A lot of the Western folk wisdom is "that you have to be totally complete by yourself".

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Early in the book, she states, "on the spiritual path, the purpose of any relationship is to wake up and get to know ourselves and our lover, thoroughly, without judgment or pride." And, "Dating with a Buddhist consciousness means a willingness to confront anything inside that kindles fear or anxiety.

When we start wanting to run away, be deceptive, tell lies, or put on a mask, we need to walk right into our fears, sit down, and talk to them until they become our friends.

Praise for If the Buddha Dated“[Charlotte Kasl] adds an entirely new level of understanding to our lives through love and not fear.” —Geneen Roth, author of When Food is Love“[This book] focuses not on a lot of basic how-to's or manipulations but on creating spiritual bonds.

Kasl does a beautiful job weaving Eastern philosophy into modern day relationships.” —Janet Luhrs, author of Simple Loving and The Simple Living Guide Praise for If the Buddha Married“[Kasl] brings the Buddha's wisdom to the complex world of relationships.

All those relationship books out there guide women to bend over backwards and do all the changing and to "just accept men the way they are".

After I found this book, the first thing I did was dismiss it.

Nobody could address my concerns as a Western single woman.

I got the feeling I either was expected (by the culture of this sect of Buddhism) to be either celibate or married.

That doesn't mean we have a goal of getting rid of fear; rather we accept it as part of our unfolding journey." I couldn't agree more.

Her lists of behaviors for us to examine in our partners and ourselves are excellent and straightforward.

Then, finally, I looked at it again, and bought it. I'm still single, and I still want a mate, but I don't feel like it's a bad thing anymore; I don't feel like it means I'm a weak person; it's given me a new way to look at the process.