Just because a relationship doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean it’s not good.

Unfortunately, many of us feel that if it doesn’t last as long as we wanted or expected it to, then somebody must be to blame, someone has to pay, and it wasn’t a good relationship at all.

When her father, my grandfather, got wind of this new turn of events, he sat her down and advised her to go out on that date because, as he reminded her, television is not real life and her future is.

dating and breaking-37

Looking for patterns is a really good thing to do for yourself because most people get involved again eventually (and, usually, much too soon, before they’ve sorted out the last disaster).

You’ll most likely want to get involved again, too, and knowing your patterns may help you avoid making the same mistakes.

But, as I have heard the story retold to me for years, there did come a time in her life when she experienced dating burnout.

On one fateful evening back in 1967, my mother decided she would cancel her previously scheduled Tuesday night date to stay home and watch the last televised episode of The Fugitive.

Was my grandfather right in persuading my mother to leave, or should she have taken the night off as she wished to spend a little quality time with herself and Dr. No, that date was not with my father, so there is no implication of destiny at play here.

But would canceling really have been such a bad idea? You spend an inordinate amount of time getting dressed. Friends excitedly ask when you started commuting to the city for work and you sheepishly explain that dating is now your full-time job. You really just want to chow down on a cheeseburger and fries at the Shake Shack instead of a salad and grilled fish at yet another expensive restaurant. You become a badass to your dates and suddenly realize the less you care the more they do. You are happy you just got dumped because now you finally have an excuse to stay home.

And for the life of you, you still cannot remember which floor his apartment is on once you step into the elevator.

If your relationship gives you more misery than pleasure and more pain than fun, sit down with a pencil and paper and figure out what you want and what you’re willing to offer to get it.

Do you need to be in control all the time or else you feel anxious?