Surrounded by thousands of stars, complete silence, and spectacular mountains, I stood atop New Hampshire's Presidential Range, awestruck by nature's beauty.Immediately, I realized that I must dedicate my life to understanding the causes of the universe's beauty.Its main mistake is that its informality gives the essay a slightly hokey or corny tone.

Examples: I promised God I would eat all my peas, but He didn’t care.

A confused eleven-year-old girl, I sat and listened to my father pace.

Finally, the telephone interrupted the house’s solemn silence.

I heard my father repeating the words "yes, yes, of course." He then hung up the receiver and announced my grandfather's death and cancer's victory.

In this instance, it would be easy to avoid repeating the word "beauty." You could simply use "magnificence" or "loveliness" instead.

Dialogue Introduction: Like the action introduction, the dialogue introduction brings the reader directly into the action, only this time in the form of dialogue.

Essay Edge Says: The first ten words of this essay will catch your reader’s attention, mainly because they create a mental image of perfect natural beauty.

Note that you should try to avoid repeating key words.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.