Besides: Effortless rejection is one of online dating's great achievements.

Don't just ignore her message—text her and explain directly (but gently) that it just didn't click for you. When I finally logged on, I found out that they were right: It's all of that. The number of profiles I could scroll through was overwhelming.

It was a Whole Foods of my own sexual imagination—and I was shopping on an empty stomach.

Relax, don't overthink it, and remember that what you're putting up is the equivalent of first-date banter.

The process is a mild inconvenience, not a confession or a trap, so just chalk it up to the cost of being proactive. This sounds like some type of Yoda koan, but try to talk about what you like, not .

See, your profile isn't meant to make a stranger fall in love with you.

Once you're sitting in front of her with the less-than- 15-percent hair loss that she's handicapped your photo for, then you can really get to know each other—as two hormone-leaking, masochistic adults who want so badly to be in love again._—Mary H. Choi _You want to say you're an oenophile or fluent in Klingon? The beauty of online dating is that it's stocked with people on the ends of the bell curve—the kind you'd never find normally.

Don't call yourself any of the following: witty, ambitious, down-to-earth, or humble.

Mention a few TV shows, movies, bands, and books you enjoy, but take it easy on the esoteric poetry, eight-year-old Bay Area rap lyrics, and the word I.

Besides, no lady has ever been swept off her feet by a pop-up box that says "Yo."Let's be honest: Online dating is a numbers game, and the majority of people you come across aren't going to work out for one reason or another.

Here's your getaway plan for every step along the way.

Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.