Land of love dating service
Ellen said what’s great about their relationship is the support for each other’s booming careers.
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I wanted to tell her on the first date, but I knew that would probably be weird. She kind of gave me this half-shy, half-amused smile. But as time has gone on, I also realized that she knew something that I didn’t. I tried so hard to keep that fire going, to keep that emotion alight, but it got harder and harder. And what was even more interesting was that once I realized this on a conscious level, and started trying to find more opportunities to give, the more we both, almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry. Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating. That’s a recipe for disastrous marriages; for a country with a 50% divorce rate; for adultery (the classic attempt to turn the fire back on); for people who do stay together to simply live functional, loveless marriages. How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to.
Like most Hasidic Jews (we both became religious later in life), our dating period lasted a very short time. I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing how to use the last twenty dollars in your bank account? How can you feel it when you think it makes perfect sense to put your socks on the floor after you’re done with them, and she has this crazy idea that they need to go in the laundry basket? And now, as I’m a bit older and a bit more experienced with this relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something.
Although they moved in together and had lived in domestic bliss since 1953, it wasn’t until 2004 that they were able to marry in California — a marriage that was later voided by the California Supreme Court.
Happily, Del and Phyllis did eventually say vows that stuck on June 16, 2008, just a few months before Dorothy died at the age of 87.
Today, they’re happily married and raising twins, Lucas Claude and Olivia Lou.
“Alex is taking care of everything that goes in, and I handle everything that comes out,” Wanda joked.
“We really only had problems our first year together,” Phyllis recalled.
“Del would leave her shoes in the middle of the room, and I’d throw them out the window.” When Wanda Sykes came out at a Las Vegas Proposition 8 rally in 2008, she said she felt like a unicorn — a lesbian of color.
There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable.
And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated. Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long.
As they rode the ferry to the island, Wanda caught sight of the woman she would marry.