Recovering after dating a borderline
This loss of the authentic psychological self is re-experienced over and over again and the fear of it and the fear of the pain of it grows each and every time one is triggered back to it.
Feelings and reactions of rage are experienced by those who go on to develop BPD so early in life that they precede cognitive and verbal development.
This is what makes borderline rage so primal, so intense, and in the case of the borderline so raw and unmanageable in terms of often triggered dysregulated emotion of those with BPD.
While other borderlines (known as quiet or “acting in” borderlines) may rage in such passive-aggressive ways that the non borderline might not realize that the borderline is raging.
This inherent free-floating, always-at-the-ready rage, if you will, is the root source of a lot of the varying types and styles of abuse that non borderlines are bombarded with.
It is pain that has long-since been dissociated from and abandoned by the borderline.
This abandoned pain of BPD is the ignition switch that needs only the hint or flicker of an emotional flame to ignite a combustible, all-too-often abusive rage like no other. When the borderline is in a regressed and to varying degrees dissociated experience, the non borderline partner is experienced by the borderline as that withdrawing or abandoning caretaker from the past that was needed for literal physical and psychological survival.The roots of abuse in BPD, particularly in intimate significant other relationships with Non Borderlines have their genesis in the borderline’s re-living of this deep intra-psychic pain.Pain that is triggered through attempts to be emotionally intimate with someone else.This whirlwind of unregulated emotion meeting with fear and distrust generates the original feelings of rage that this core wound of abandonment aroused in the first place.The core wound of abandonment, when one is very young and experiences it, is the experience of psychological death.It can often be sudden and seem to come out of nowhere because the source of it is deep inside the psyche of the borderline. They have not been able to emotionally or psychologically mature beyond a very early stage of emotional developmental arrest.